Hayes Tough

My husband and I struggled to get pregnant for over two, long years. We went through multiple failed IUI’s, visited countless doctors and faced defeat over and over. I know many of the women in here know how strong the desire to become a mom can be. It was all I could think about from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to sleep each night. We were finally led to begin the IVF process in December of 2012 and in January of 2013, I started administering shots to myself every night to get my body ready for IVF. I was willing to take the sting of daily shots to have the family we had always prayed for. With many prayers, the first IVF was a success and we finally received that long awaited phone call to tell us that we were pregnant on March 5. I will never forget the warmth of those happy tears on that joyous day.

Then, on June 26th, at 20 ½ wee pregnant, only a few days after we were told we were having a little boy, my water broke. The feeling of devastation was overwhelming. The doctors calmly explained to us that I would go into labor at any minute and that at only 20 ½ weeks, our Hayes would not have a fighting chance because his lungs were not fully developed. After I was admitted into the hospital, o doctor came into our room and told us we would need to start thinking about what path we wanted to take and even suggested we start making funeral arrangements. Those few words by the doctor, and the sorrowful look that swept across his face, knocked the breath out of me and I felt as though I couldn’t breathe or move. Cody and I discussed that we weren’t giving up on our son, would continue our pregnancy, and that praying would be our only hope. There wasn’t a moment that went by that we weren’t talking to Jesus. By the grace of God, Hayes stunned the doctors and was I able to continue my pregnancy, in two different hospitals, on bed rest for 7 more weeks. Our doctor’s sorrowful looks soon turned into smiles when he would walk into our room, read the daily verse my husband had written on the white board, hear our phones playing K-Love, and listen to us praise Jesus for our little boy.

Then, on Aug. 8th, Hayes decided that he was ready to conquer the world. Hayes entered this world weighing only 2 pounds 6 ounces. (To give you an idea of how small he was, that is about the same weight of two water bottles.) Before he was whisked off to the NICU, the nurses in the operating room gently turned him towards my husband and me so we could see our son. I couldn't help but think about how beautiful he was. That was our baby. The baby we prayed to have and hold for three very long years. I became a mother in that moment when our eyes first met. Cody was able to take me once to finally meet Hayes face to face and we were allowed to take a quick family picture. We weren’t allowed to hold him because of the machine and wires he was connected to. I remember looking at his little face and body and desperately wanted to reach out and hold him. Even as a new mother, I knew I needed to love on him and let him know that everything was going to be okay. His eyes were so vibrant, which made it difficult to understand why this was happening.

Hayes was born at 2:53 pm and we were all smiles. We could once again breath and began to mentally prepare ourselves for many hard months ahead of us. Then, at 10:00 pm, a nurse came into our room, and with a shaky voice, she told us that Hayes wasn’t responding to the machines, was struggling to breathe and we needed to get to him as soon as possible. Fear swept over me immediately and once again, I couldn’t catch my breath. Cody quickly helped me into a wheelchair and took me as quickly as he could to the NICU. When we got to Hayes, the machines connected to his tiny body were so loud, and our little boy looked so helpless. Questions swirled in my head as to what was happening. I don’t know how long we were in the NICU with doctors and nurses surrounding us, but as we looked at our son, Cody asked with tears in his eyes if Hayes was in pain. When the doctor quietly whispered yes, we had to make our toughest decision as scared, first time parents, of only a few hours, to stop all the treatment and machines and let Hayes be with Jesus. We were then finally allowed to hold him and give him our love for quite some time, which we’re both thankful for. Hayes fought so hard for 11 hours and 11 minutes just so we could hold him and kiss him until 2:04 am on the 9th. Hayes took his last breaths while I was holding him in my arms. The hardest phone call I’ve ever had to make was in those early morning hours to wake up my Mom and let her know that we lost Hayes. After I made this tearful and heart-wrenching call, I closed my eyes and imagined Jesus by my side, lifting Hayes from my arms saying, "I have him now and he is going to be okay. Heaven now has a new beautiful angel."