Zac Cain

A letter from Zac's mother:
To our friends and community, you have done more for me and my family than you can truly realize. I would like to thank you by explaining my thought process and what is in my heart. Because of all the help you have given to me, I have had the time and strength to really think clearly and reflect. I hope you don’t mind.
Towards the end of January, I started to write Zac a letter to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I have learned from him. As I was typing, I looked over at him sitting on the couch and I just told him all I wanted to say. I didn't say it like he was dying, I never thought we would have to say good-bye. I always thought he would find a way to beat cancer. It was 2 days before Zac's passing that Al and Matt helped me realize that Zac wasn't going to get better this time. The priest told us we may feel anger and guilt. I have none of that. Most people have heard the saying "treat every day as a gift" and that is what we did since Zac was first diagnosed. Even before that, my family pretty much did everything together. I have no guilt because I loved the family that we were, that we still are. We told our children that we loved them -often. We showed our children that we loved them - always. I am not sure why I don't feel the anger. When Zac was born, his lungs were not developed. A helicopter transferred him to Mott and we were told Zac had stopped breathing during the flight. They were not sure if he would make it through the night. Al and I recently spoke of Zac's birth and neither of us can remember what we actually promised God, if he let Zac live. Zac was able to come home 13 days later. When Zac turned 9, he had facial cellulitis. Al and I were told that he may not make it through the night. Neither of us remember exactly what we promised God that time either. 1 week later, they found the cure and he came home. After that week, I was always so scared when Zac got sick. The mother in me knew that Zac would always have a struggle and whatever happened to Zac, it was always something big. Zac did struggle. Some know that when he tried out for the Sea Serpents, he didn't make it. He took lessons for a year and the next year he swam with the team. One year later, he broke his first record. Reading and all types of academic work never came easy for Zac, he struggled in school too. One thing about Zac is, he never felt sorry for himself. He had a work ethic that is amazing. He believed that if you want something - you have to work for it. And that is what he did. He worked hard. Kathy and Cheri made him a Highlander Hero. They called Zac “a silent mentor”. He led by example instead of words. A perfect description.What did I tell Zac that day on the couch? He taught me how determination and endurance will bring you the results you desire. He worked so hard for EVERYTHING. Not just swim records. Bernie was right when he said that Zac knew pain. He did. And when the cancer came back a second time, Zac was determined to beat this his own way. He made the chemo work better. He found ways to deal with the unbearable pain. Zac taught me how to be humble. After all his accomplishments, he never boasted. Actually he just set the bar higher. Even when he could not physically swim anymore - he coached. I couldn't have done that. I am still sad when I walk into a natatorium. I am amazed by his mental strength. Zac taught me to be loyal. He was a friend until the end. That was that. Even in the last month, Zac would share with me how lucky he was to have a girlfriend with the same amount of loyalty. Amanda never left his side. I would just sit back and think how unfair it was for those 2 to have to deal with such adult issues at such a young age. They should only have had to worry about which friend's house to hang out at, not make sure their plans were on a non-chemo week. Zac was kind. To everyone. He didn't care what a person looked like. He usually didn't care what he looked like - as the brown shoes and plaid shorts with striped golf shirts will tell you. All he cared was if your intentions were pure. If so, he was your friend and he would go to bat for you. Age made no difference. Zac was always positive and could laugh and smile. Always. How? He was dealt such a bad hand and still would make a stupid joke and laugh. That was Zac’s trait I tried so hard to imitate. Because of Zac, I learned so much about where I work, where I live, and the people I call friends. I have no energy or time to be angry because people have held me up and loved me and have taken so much of the pain away for me. If Zac could stay positive then so could I! You have allgiven to us more than we ever deserved. You gave us money, food, fundraisers, support, and space when I needed it. Anything that could have been done for Al, Matt and I - you did it. We had no worries other than to grieve. I so appreciate each and everyone of you! So how am I dealing with the death of my child? I am not angry. I feel that God wanted Zac a long time ago and for some reason (and I wish I remembered what I had promised) he let us have him - on borrowed time. Twice. I have no doubt that Zac was placed on this Earth for a purpose bigger than I ever truly understood. But I am getting it, not long ago, an adult man (that I never have met) reached out to me and said he was "giving up" and then he met Zac. Zac was that much of an inspiration. The stories keep coming. Zac showed us all how to live life the way it was meant to live. With good character and a lot of love. I will miss him so much but I was so blessed to be his mother. And I thank God for that. And I thank you, my friends and my community for helping us through every step of Zac's journey. We would never have had him for the past 2 years and 1 month without your support. Jill Cain